I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize