hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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