My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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