A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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