Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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