i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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