you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
