walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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