oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
