I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
