I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
