listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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