the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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