Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
