your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Randomize
