My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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