Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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