i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
