so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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