remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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