PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
