Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
