help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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