After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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