I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
