i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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