Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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