I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
