i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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