yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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