maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
