the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
