he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
