when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
