there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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