I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
