I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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