So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
