I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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