You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
