Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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