Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
