ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
