This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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