There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
