well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize