i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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