And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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