You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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