Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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