I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize