Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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