He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
