Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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