so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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