He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
