I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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