Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
