it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
