so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
