dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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