You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
