We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
