I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
