yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
