His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
