party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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