You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
