She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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