They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
