I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
