the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My balls are so social today.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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