What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
