areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
