i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize