Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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