The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
