I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
