So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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