just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
