Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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