Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize