Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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