ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
