I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
