How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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