you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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